Monday, September 14, 2015

Every stage with kids is hard

Sometimes I look in the mirror and realize I haven't really seen my face in a while. I then study my face for a good couple minutes taking note of all the changes that have happened over the last couple weeks. I notice maybe a couple new little wrinkles, a gray hair, my teeth looking darker... "Are those considered freckles or age spots?" I think to myself.

I then realize I haven't really had time for my own thoughts all day. I've thought about making breakfast, coming up with play ideas, potty training, when's nap time.... Ah, nap time. I need to better utilize this time. And I don't mean for cleaning. I mean for good old-fashioned me time.

I remember when my daughter was a newborn; it was hard. She woke up every 30 minutes the first couple weeks she was home from the hospital. Even though we took turns getting up with her, I was obviously still always tired. And if nobody cooked for me I just ate crackers and cookie butter. I still loved having a newborn and loved staring at her in my arms about 20 hours a day. I do remember thinking, "this is the hardest stage. Once we get passed these sleepless nights it gets easier".

Once she started waking up less often, I wasn't able to give her enough milk. She would cry and look at me like I was failing her. It tugged at my heart that one of my main biological purposes wasn't fully meeting my child's needs. "This might actually be harder. Once I am able to get my milk supply back up it'll get easier."

Fast forward to forever. Okay, it was only a few months. But I finally had my supply established. I think this might be my favorite age ever. I was right! It does get easier. I can maybe handle having more than one kid down the road.

Nope. A few months later she has become way too attached to me. I can't cook, I can't go to the bathroom, I can't clean without her crying for me to pick her up. Leaving the house or leaving her at daycare was an act of ninja moves. I had to manage to sneak out while simultaneously having her know I was sneaking out so she didn't feel abandoned. The teacher at daycare would let me kiss her and then I would slowly walk away, backwards, telling her goodbye and that I loved her until it faded out. Okay, I secretly loved that I couldn't ever put her down while I was trying to have fun at grillouts on the patio with friends. I was limited in what I could enjoy, but knowing how strong her love was for me greatly exceeded that. "This might be the hardest stage. But I will enjoy it."

Mira being two and a half years old now, I am saying that statement again. "This is the hardest stage". We are potty training. And dealing with a strong-will. And dealing with so much explosive energy we could use her as a source of renewable power for our home. I feel exhausted, mentally and emotionally. But I realized, this isn't the hardest stage. This is probably just like the other stages now seem, child's play, compared to what's to come. I imagine there's plenty of hurdles that will leave me wanting to run back to this point in time and stay there.

It's not that I haven't enjoyed each and every stage, I know that I fully have. It goes without saying that the good outweighs the bad. I mean, hello, Mira has now squeezed my cheeks and said "You're beautiful mommy, I love you". That's worth a thousand days of leaving a number 2 present on my living room rug. I just need to let go of the thought that "this is the hardest". It's hard, but not the hardest. There will always be challenges and I know that I will miss the challenges. I already do. I imagine myself in 20 years looking back at old pictures and videos of the most ridiculous things Mira has done and saying to myself "God, I miss that." 


  1. Love love love this!! Such an honest and inspiring post. I love the truth in it. Thanks for sharing!! :)

  2. Yes!!! My daughter is 17 months and in full toddler stage... hah toddler a.k.a. can move faster thank you think. She is standing by you as you quickly put something in the fridge and shut the door to find she is gone.

    I felt bad for taking so long to call my friend with a new born back... when I did I said I know you don't want to hear it as you are not getting much sleep these days but this is a whole new WORN out tired. But I love every minute of it!

  3. My five-year-old was like this because she was the first. And is still this way now. But our three-year-old is very independent and doesn't need anything. We watched old videos today and you are right, we will miss it. But I love the journey!!

  4. I also have a 2.5 year old, you mean this is not the hardest stage?!?!?! WHAAAAAA


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