Tuesday, July 25, 2017

The Empty Feeling After Your Wedding

I am coming off the wedding high and it feels weird. Bittersweet doesn't quite describe it. There's a lot more layers to it than that.

There's that "cup runneth over" feeling. I got to see family I haven't seen in YEARS. Some I haven't seen since I was like 10. The reunion was amazing. Our dearest friends and family were there. We had a blast. Everything went perfectly. The abundance of music, the scenery, and elegant garden decor; it was all beautiful. I had little girls literally thinking I was the prettiest princess they've ever seen, and following me everywhere. And most of all, I now have a husband! The only thing really different about that is actually saying "husband". Because come on, we were basically already married. Now we know that it's officially forever, though. It was all amazing and surreal.

Then there's the feeling of "it came and went too fast". I have been spending all of my free time, and then some, on planning this wedding. It has been my life the last year (more so the last 3 months it really started to consume me). The day felt rushed for the first half, but it luckily slowed down. I did my best to stop and enjoy it, to take some time alone with Adam. It still seemed to end so soon. Now all I have is leftover cake. But there's also the residual effect of the gifts we were given :) The beautiful bouquets of flowers have all died, everyone is back home and back to work, Adam's suit and my dress are hanging there waiting to be stored. I haven't cleaned our house; there's still piles of laundry everywhere and leftover wedding decor waiting to be sold. Everything is still stagnant. I haven't quite moved forward yet.

There's the feeling of initiation... into the adult society. I have hit all the basic young adult milestones. There's always new ventures, I know; next baby, next house, next career move. But it won't ever be a"first" anymore. I have to come to peace with that.

I feel full but empty. Excited but distracted. Energetic but tired. Too many contradictions are just leaving me confused. How am I supposed to feel? I'm happy to be married, but the wedding hangover has left me drained.

I KNOW it will wear off. And best of all, we get to go to Europe in about TWO WEEKS! I think this will cure so many things. I need to press reset, recharge, and best of all, connect with Adam.

Here's to everyone enduring the weird wedding hangover; may you all have a chance to reset and connect with your new husbands!

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