Wednesday, January 21, 2015

My Pre-Baby Self and How I Sometimes Miss Her

Adam and I about two weeks before we found out I was pregnant

Having a kid is like winning the lottery while simultaneously getting your leg cut off. You win big with having a baby; tons of rewarding experiences. But you're making a lot of sacrifices. So you get your leg cut off. But winning the lottery really minimizes that setback. You're now practically so used to your new life with no leg that you don't really remember what it was like before. Until you want to go for a run or do some dancing.

It doesn't matter what age you are or circumstance you're in, I don't think anyone's really fully ready to be pregnant. Some are physically or financially, but not mentally or emotionally. Some visa versa. Some are just not at all. I was not mentally or physically. In fact, when that third pregnancy test came back positive after waiting a couple days after the second test, I cried. Not necessarily because I was scared or worried, but because I was mourning the loss of myself. My old self. I had plans to travel, to take on new adventures, new risks. I had only been out of college for 6 months and didn't even know what my dreams or aspirations quite were yet. And I was already saying goodbye to them.

It took me a couple weeks of being at war with myself to warm up to the new me. Essentially I just had to give myself the "what the hell is wrong with you?" talk. There are women out there who would kill to get pregnant and can't. And I have always wanted to have babies. I just envisioned having to say goodbye to myself at more of a "27 and married" than a "24 and in-a-long-distance-relationship". So I was stressing about 3 years and being unmarried? That was it? Okay. These past two years have been the best years of Adam and my entire 6 year relationship. Believe that. 

My pre-pregnancy self seems so long ago. But it's only been two and a half years. I still remember how amazing it was, though. I got to day drink with my friends on Saturdays and go out on weekends and sometimes not make it home until the next morning. But it's like I don't even want to do those things anymore. I accept them as a pastime and can just smile and be glad they happened.

Not everyone gets to win the lottery, some people don't even want to. Some people just don't want to risk getting their leg cut off. I didn't realize that when saying goodbye to myself, I wasn't really saying goodbye to me, I was saying goodbye to events, to choices, to freedoms. Those were all things, things that can't compare to winning this lottery. 

This girl's smile = soul hugs

On the subject of pregnancy, did anyone else have an irrationally optimistic assumption that you would bounce back to your exact pre-prego body practically right away after birth? Poor me, I knew so little.
Sunday, January 4, 2015

22 Months

Our smart, busy, sassy toddler is 1 month closer to 2!

Food: So picky still. There's a meal rotation of mac and cheese, spaghetti, ravioli, peanut butter sandwiches, and turkey sandwiches. Oh and she loves pizza but we don't have it that often. I had, a few times, made a mock pizza by throwing a piece of bread with spaghetti sauce and shredded cheese in the oven, but she knows, gets pissed, and throws it on the floor. She also still nurses once a day, right in the middle of the day.
An "Elsa Sandwich" that I made up so Mira would eat some turkey. She's obsessed with hummus. With that name it's no wonder she tried to feed turkey to the Elsa on her coloring book.

Favorite food: oranges. She eats those suckers right down to the rind.
Play: She's been playing with her dollhouse a lot the past couple months and recruits whatever small doll-like object (including dinosaurs) she can to use with it. We got her "training" markers AKA color-wonder markers from us for christmas. She LOVES markers, but struggles to put the caps back on and then loses them. She loves her "squishy" AKA play-doh but I've now got it smushed onto my sweatpants, on her shoes, in the carpet... Have I ever mentioned how I hate carpet?? She also got a play kitchen for christmas and it's so adorable watching her play with that. She always asks to make me coffee :D
how domestic, right? she even has a dyson vacuum that has suction.

She likes when we read books but also likes to "read" them on her own now. Still usually takes one to bed with her and uses it as a "lovey". Getting better at counting in order, at ABC's, and recognizes certain letters when she sees them (usually it's letter A or M). She's still a climber, and stands on her tip toes and steals crackers if they are sitting out on the counter. Starting to play pretend more (the kitchen is great for that), likes to pretend she's a mommy to her dolls or even to me. She likes to grab a blanket and pretend she is tucking me in for bedtime.
Common phrases:
"I go right back" She'll be right back
"I make it!" when she's admiring a drawing or craft of hers
"don't watch me!" when I make her sit at her table to eat a snack and she's mad at me for it
"What's that?" we are going through a phase where she asks that for literally everything. Even if it's the smallest little thing like a smudge on a window or a piece of garbage on the ground.
"Just leab it!" When she has perfectly curated the living room floor with toys, books, and scraps of paper, and I have the nerve to try and clean it up.

Mama's favorite Mira-isms: When she wants something (usually a snack or "hummy" (nursing)) she gently grabs my face with both hands, looks me in the eye, tilts her head a little and sweetly asks for whatever it is. God, how can I say no?

Dad's favorite Mira-isms: When someone's doing something Mira doesn't like she throws her hand out and yells "Stop it!" or "get Away!". Ain't nobody messin' with her! He also loves putting her to bed because she is the most sweet and angelic. Just repeating whatever we say; "good-night, see you in the morning" we hear from her little voice.

A few pics from over the holidays

my siblings + Adam, Mira, & I

Mira put all of grandma Susan's nativity scene in the dog kennel
Powered by Blogger.
Back to Top