Monday, October 19, 2015

The Most Common Mommy Fights

Luckily, I've never gotten into an argument with a mom in real life. I've only ever been involved in mom fights online, in facebook groups. I could write an entire post about facebook groups, too, and I might sometime. Moms just get very protective over their parenting choices and it's never smart to criticize or as much as challenge another mom on their decisions. Here are 6 of the most common mommy fights that happen over and over. 

1. Vaccinations
We have all seen this get ugly. There's a very small, small percentage of people who are apathetic on this issue (I'm included in that small percentage). Most people fall under pro-vax or anti-vax and often shame you in some way or another if you choose a different route than them. You're either poisoning your kid and just blindly listening to the lying government OR you are an arrogant SOB who thinks by googling, you are smarter than someone with an MD. (And I don't feel this way, I'm just reiterating the common arguments).

2. Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding
This was worse when I was newly breastfeeding my daughter. It could also be my bias since I was submerged in the pro breastfeeding world in order to get support. The tone was "how dare anyone try and feed their kid an ounce of formula! Try harder!" I feel like it has toned down since then, mostly because of formula company propaganda. They've done a good job with their marketing campaigns this year, and it's showing. I've noticed a lot more moms standing up for themselves who have formula fed or are currently formula feeding. I think the formula feeding moms have even surpassed acceptance, and have seen them get sanctimonious to the breastfeeding moms. Ugh, whose idea was it to pit these women against each other?!

3. Should or shouldn't you let your kid go to bed hungry when they don't eat the meal provided?
I didn't know this was a thing until I personally asked a question in one of my mom groups. I definitely received mixed answers and they were definitely not all pleasant. I make my daughter's favorite meal, that she had asked for earlier that day, and once it's prepared, she all of a sudden doesn't want it. Then she is asking for muffins and fruit (which she had for breakfast). Apparently, according to many moms, saying no to alternatives is starving her. I should always offer an alternative because kids' moods can change and we should always cater to moods. By telling them it's dinner or nothing, your kid might go to bed hungry and wake up the next morning and eat breakfast. Ugh, that's so terrible. Okay, there was a little bit of sarcasm. In all seriousness, it's not ideal to let kids go to bed hungry, but this isn't a restaurant. And it's not like I'm making my daughter liver and onions. I simply make things she likes and I don't cater to moods if she changes her mind. Unless it's her birthday.

4. Sharing
Some parents have policies where if their kid brings something to the park, it's fair game for other kids. I think that's cool. And then there's other policies where they don't have their kids share anything at all. Even if it's not theirs to begin with. I think people make this too black and white. You either share everything or you share nothing. Why can't you just play it by ear and share some things? Have a line that can be drawn, like certain toys are fair game, but your kid can have their "special" toy.

5. Discipline
Some believe in spanking, and some believe in peaceful parenting. If you as much as mention spanking, all hell can break loose if you are saying it to a peaceful parent. The spankers also get defensive. They might tell you that you are being too lenient or soft on your child. There are new statistics showing the psychological impact spanking has on children, but there's also the proof that many people spanked as kids turned out just fine. Either way, someone's clearly wrong, because we all need one single method of discipline that should work on everybody, right?

6. The two polar ends of what kind of mom you are: "You're not really crunchy!" or "You believe in woo!"
You're either a hippie mom who falls for "woo" or you're a basic, mainstream mom who is the reason your kid is sick all the time. How dare you try and cure a cold with natural remedies, you should be giving your kid tylenol and taking them to the doctor. Or, "you circumcised your son? A true crunchy mom would never!"

So these are all obviously extreme oppositions. The point is, you literally can't win. You're always "wrong" to someone. Even though there's research and causation for both opposing sides on many issues, it all comes down to doing what's best for you. And doing what's best to make you and your family good, functional members of society.

Now let's hear from you!
Have you gotten into a stupid argument with a fellow mom? What was it about?


  1. I hate when mom's criticize other's decisions . Parenting is hard and we need to support each other even if we believe in different things .

    1. Agree. Parenting is hard enough the way it is, we shouldn't make it harder on people by criticizing!

  2. and don't forget the cry it out versus bed sharing mamas! So true for all those though!

  3. Oh man. I made so many judgements before becoming a mom myself, and now I just do not even have the time to care what other people choose to do. We all do what we have to!

    1. I probably made judgments myself as well. You live and you learn!

  4. Omg, you nailed the most common arguments amongst us moms. I hate it. I just steer clear of the really touchy subjects and say "to each his own" then keep it moving.

    1. That's how I look at it too, "to each their own". Everyone does the best with what they have.

  5. When I became a mother, the only "rule" I came to believe was universal, is don't judge any other parent. You have NO idea what their parent / child relationship is and what works for them. The only rule is do what works for you and your child and be the best mother you can possibly be.

    1. That is such a good rule. No one knows the background of what goes on at home, everyone does what works for them!


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