Saturday, November 1, 2014

You Have a Toddler When...

All your clothes in your dirty laundry have snot spots on the shoulders.

Everything you own is on your floor.

You have either baby wipes, a snack, or a sippy cup in your purse at all times.

You're now a pro at spelling all the names of different snacks out.

You can't have living room decor.

You count rubbing crayon off the wall with a magic eraser as your daily arm workout.

You never completely put the vacuum away because you're constantly vacuuming up food.

Carpet is your enemy.

There are food crumbs in every single room of your house.

You consider getting a "mom haircut" because your hair keeps getting pulled out (by both you and your toddler).

You find yourself having a conversation about your kid's shit for 5 minutes with your significant other.

You have yelled a phrase like, "No, you may not use chalk as lipstick".

You justify skipping the gym because your probably burned more calories chasing after your child than you would 1 hour at the gym.

You sit on the toilet for close to 10 minutes, not because you have to go to the bathroom, but because you get peace.

You can't remember the last time you said the word "bathroom", rather than "the potty".

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