Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Senior Year

This is by far the best year of college. I guess it goes without saying; senior year of anything is the most fun as I found out already in high school. I have, for one, learned so much; from my professors, my classmates, my friends, and last and foremost, myself. I could be placed on a deserted island and still learn things from inside my own head, it holds wonders. Reading pieces and excerpts from my own writings (homework, word documents, online discussions, etc.) within the last year and a half has made me self-aware that I am capable of so much. The common theme of expression I have used is inspiration. I am longing to inspire people forever. The fact that so many people confide in me for advice, give me trust, and want to share parts of their lives with me because they believe I will understand and accept them unconditionally all comes together and gives me strength to be the best person I can be. But in all seriousness, I hate corniness. It's a waste of time to spend our lives being serious. I am "corny" every once in a while when need be, but when it comes down to it I'd rather spend my time with people laughing more than anything.

This leads me to the part where I talk about how fun senior year is. I'm 21, confident, enthusiastic, and am trying to live my life this last year in Duluth before the youth all goes away. Let me just point out that I'm 22, but I was trying to emphasize on the fact that I am legal to drink, and can we just agree that 21 sounds way better than 22...? I'm trying to stay young as long as I can! The age 25 is creeping up and I don't want to look back on my early 20's and think, "Wow, I wish I would've let loose and had more fun!" That's exactly what I'm doing and there are zero regrets. Zero. I look back on every weekend and think about how much fun it was, even though there honestly hasn't been a sober one yet. I've definitely been a "hot mess" for a majority of the semester. A year ago all I wanted was to be done with college, but now I'm having second thoughts, it's going to be sad more than anything. It worries me to think that there's some people I may never see again if I don't keep in touch, and I'm not the greatest at keeping in touch with people. I will definitely have to come back to Duluth for random weekends and hit up the Sports Garden.

Now let's stop and think; who would you be without college? Would you be somewhere greater doing bigger and better things, or would you be two steps back, trying to figure out your life? I have no idea where I would be, but I'm glad that college worked out the best for me. I love the people here, and am lucky to have met my boyfriend. Who would I have met if I went to school somewhere else? Would he ever measure up to Adam? I think not, and that's why I consider myself lucky. I definitely owe him thanks for bringing me to my feet when I am discouraged. He is always there to tell me everything is going to be okay if I'm stressing. But I don't really owe anyone for where I've landed today, I can only thank myself. I'm amazed at how far I've come emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. I will always be an emotional person, I'm a feeler by nature, but I know how to cope with my emotions and channel them into positive. I'm constantly reinventing myself, mentally and physically, and I love the person who I evolve into more and more each time. Freshman year I thought I was cool shit with my bleach blond hair, heels, and witty smart-assness. At that time I truly thought I was the best person I can be, but when I look back at that now, I'm thankful I'm not such a sloppy drunk and that I gained some class and maturity along the way. But the point is I had fun doing it, so therefore I wouldn't change anything.

"Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you." - Nietzsche

"The best compliment a person can receive is not about their appearance but about their mind." - me


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